I’ve never actually posted anything on here that was significant to my feelings, or what I’m actually thinking.
Tonight, though, I find it very hard to sleep, and it’s simply because I have so much on my mind. I have tried to resist texting or having any form of contact with a certain someone, but it appears that is absolutely impossible for me.
I have actually blocked this said person on Facebook, and actually hoped he would notice and text me asking me why. He hasn’t. He hasn’t spoken to me for days.
I think I should actually be happy about this, but of course I’m not.
Over the course of just a few months, I have fallen in love and gotten my heart broken. This has happened without me even truly meeting the person I’ve fallen for. In the beginning, everything seemed perfect (aside from our distance, of course). In the end, we drifted, like what happens in every long distance(LD) relationship.
But really, it all came down to my feelings and his consideration, or lack thereof, for them. A girl, one he claimed as his sister, posted on his facebook(under his name) saying “I love my wife __(her name)___! and lotr OF COURSE!” ….
Prior to this, we hadn’t talked all day, and hardly all weekend. All day I had been texting him, calling him when I could. No responses back.
When I noticed this on my news feed, I proceeded to check his page, and noticed that our relationship status was no longer visible. I was livid. I snapped.
I began blowing up his phone, bawling my eyes out as I did so expecting the inevitable. I didn’t actually believe he was cheating on me, but another girl was involved with him when I couldn’t be. He finally picked up, I knew I had woken him up by the sound in his voice, but I didn’t care at all. The first words out of my mouth “What the fuck is going on?”
Long story short, because I’d rather not get into it and start crying again, he saw no issue in the events. None.
I was freaking out for no reason, as always. So I told him that I can’t deal with the emotional abuse anymore, whether I’m bringing it on myself or not. I wanted to break up, I didn’t know what else to do.
All he could say was “this sucks”… We got off the phone, and he later texted me saying he didn’t want to lose me da da da da da.
I called him and explained our situation further, asking him what he would rather do… He said he would still text me the next day, tell me he loves me and misses me.
I ended up texting him, only to find out he had been drinking himself to sleep.
I haven’t heard from him since.
I’ve been texting him, calling him still, with no responses.
It’s time for me to move on, then.
He doesn’t love me like he said he did.
He never cared for me like he claimed.
It was all just a fantasy.
Something to kill the time.
Now it’s time for me to find something real.
Someone I can really hold.
Someone I can be vulnerable with.
So much heartbreak, and I’m only 18.
This is a sad world indeed.